——- {lyrics from Switchfoot’s You} ——-

Tonight is one of those nights when I sit to write a post with too much on my mind. My heart, and my head, are full… some of it is good, so good; some of it is hard; some of it is annoying; some of it is sad.

Transition will do that for you.

The old mingles with the new … the goodbyes mix with the hellos … the bitter crashes into the sweet …

There’s always something in the way
There’s always something getting through
But it’s not me, it’s You, it’s You

Times of transition push me to the edge of myself. I can manage the uncertainly for a few days, but really that’s all, and then I start to get anxious and what I want is for the stressful awkwardness to be over. In the past, I’ve had a hard time finishing well — more like finishing quick, because it feels less painful that way. Just get it over with.

Sometimes ignorance rings true
But hope is not in what I know
It’s not in me, it’s in You, it’s in You

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” [James 1:17]  Transition reminds me that when all else is shifting shadows, God remains. When today looks different than yesterday, and tomorrow will look different than today: God remains. When I heard “go,” and still have countless questions: God remains.

I find peace when I’m confused
I find hope when I’m let down
Not in me, in You, it’s in you

Here’s my confession: that I want to finish so very well. I want to rock this transition, not barely make it out in one piece. I want to let it be hard and also good. I want to hug tightly and cry sincerely and smile broadly and miss dearly and love deeply. Jesus, help me live Your way.

I hope to lose myself for good
I hope to find it in the end
Not in me, in You, it’s in You